Mentorship

What Does a BDSMK Mentorship Offer?

Guidance

A mentorship offers personalized guidance and support to the mentee. Mentor’s primary goal is to create a safe, consensual, and informed environment where the mentee can learn and grow within the community. That means but it is not limited to:

✓ Facilitating Self-exploration Tools: Mentor will encourage introspection; examining your own thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, identity, background, views, and emotions. Self-observation with the purpose of better understanding yourself as part of self-improvement, part of your mentorship journey.

✓ Regular Check-ins and Progress Reviews: Mentorship involves regular check-ins to evaluate progress and adjust the learning plan as needed. These includes:
Progress evaluation: Mentor and mentee discuss what has been learned, where the mentee feels more confident, and what areas still need development.

✓ Revisiting goals: Goals may change as the mentee gains more experience. Mentor and mentee reassess the direction of the mentorship to ensure it aligns with the mentee’s evolving needs.

✓ Feedback loop: The Mentor provides constructive feedback on the mentee’s performance, while the mentee gives their feedback on the Mentor’s tools and methods.

✓ Emotional and Psychological Support: We at ALT are well aware that BDSMK can evoke intense feelings, that is why we train our Mentor’s to fulfill their duty offering support to the mentee to navigate those emotions.

✓ Foster Self-awareness: Mentor will encourage the mentee to reflect on their emotional responses, desires, and personal growth within BDSMK, helping them understand their own needs better.

Education

Through one-on-one interactions the Mentor will provide expert knowledge on various aspects of BDSMK, including but not limited to:

✓ BDSM dynamics [e.g., Dominants, submissives, Handler, Canvas, Hunter, etc]

✓ Ethics, negotiation, and setting boundaries [e.g., ethical frameworks, negotiation tools, etc]

✓ Safety [e.g., physical safety practices, safe words, aftercare]

✓ Emotional and psychological aspects of BDSMK relationships

✓ Skills & Techniques [e.g., bondage, impact play, etc]

The mentorship is tailored to your learning style, comfort level, and personal goals, ensuring a well-rounded and supportive experience. Topics, learning goals, personal preferences and your current level of knowledge are all taken in consideration by the Mentor before creating an unique plan for you.

Personal Growth and Development

Even though the classic BDSM mentorship focuses primarily on your development as a Top, bottom or switch; ALT’s mentoring style consider goals beyond BDSMK sphere very important, reason why our mentorships are design to foster growth in areas such as:

✓ Self-awareness and confidence.

✓ Building and maintaining healthy non-kink relationships.

✓ Improving interpersonal communication skills.

✓ Emotional resilience and regulation.

Tailored Learning Approach

Learning methods will vary according to your preferences, with options for theoretical discussions, hands-on experiences [in safe, controlled environments], journaling, and reflection sessions.

Mentorship is tailored to the mentee’s preferred learning methods, ensuring that the process is engaging and supportive, whether you prefer structured lessons or flexible, experience-based learning, the mentorship adapts to meet your needs.

Here’s how that might look:

✓ Theorecal: Probably the most used teaching technique. ALT uses academic, scientific and BDSMK staple books as part of the learning process. Even though theoretical learning it’s not usually linked to the BDSMK learning process, due to the pariah status of the BDSM lifestyle, books are often the best sources of information for inquiring minds. Mentor may assign reading materials from reliable authors.

✓ Instructional conversations:

“dialogue should lead us to the truth, or at least to an honest understanding of what we believe to be true and why we think it is so”

Socrates.

This socratic method involves a shared dialogue between Mentor/mentee, where Mentor leads by posing thought-provoking questions and mentee actively engage by asking questions of their own, engaging in that way in educational, thought exchange fostering broader considerations and concepts leading to more deeper debates and discussions. Regular discussions are held to deepen the mentee’s understanding of various BDSM concepts, including ethical dilemmas, relationship structures, emotional dynamics among many others. Mentor may recommend podcasts or videos that cover important topics, using them as a spark for the debates.

✓ Introspective tools: Mentor will use different tools to guide the mentee through a journey to find their own voice and their own belief system. The mentee is encouraged to reflect on their journey, ask questions, and will receive feedback on areas for improvement or deeper exploration.

✓ Hands-on: If agreed upon and depending on the goals and comfort level of both parties, the mentorship may include practical learning experiences. The Mentor may guide the mentee through simulated BDSM scenes in a safe and controlled environment. This could involve practicing Dominant or submissive roles, learning how to negotiate scenes, or experiencing specific types of play [such as bondage or impact play]. If practical demonstrations are involved, safety is a top priority. The Mentor will ensure a safe space to discuss activities' psychological impact and support processing emotions. For added safety and objectivity, a third party may be present during certain practical sessions to ensure all boundaries and consent are respected.

Safety and Ethical Guidance

Mentorship emphasizes the ethical foundation of BDSMK, including:

✓ Consent: The importance of consent and mutual respect it’s key to mentorship. The mentee has the right to withdraw or modify their consent at any time.

✓ Limits: Establishing hard and soft limits is the foundation to a better understanding. Mentorship is a collaborative process, and both parties should respect each other’s limits.

✓ Non-judgemental: Creating safe spaces for exploration without fear of ridicule or criticism is necessary for openness to be at the center of the mentoring process.

✓ Communication: Open dialogue is encouraged, ensuring that both the Mentor and mentee are comfortable and aligned in their expectations.

You will be guided through the practical application of these principles to ensure that your journey into BDSM is both safe and empowering.

Tristan Taormino; The Ultimate Guide to Kink

"[...]for everyone who dares to expand their erotic horizons beyond the ordinary. For all those who like to give and receive intense sensations. For the people who eroticize power and cultivate consciousness in sex and relationships. For anyone who loves to
dance on the line between pleasure and pain. For folks who nurture naked creativity and make fantasies come to life [...]"

How Does It Work?

Step 1: Initial Consultation

The process begins by completing a simple questionnaire. Once the person answered few questions about themselves and their point of views regarding BDSMK we will assign the Mentor we consider to have the knowledge and skills necessaries to guide that specific mentee. Mentor then will reach out for basic introductions.

The Mentor will ask about past experiences with BDSMK, including level of knowledge and real life experience within the lifestyle, participation in any kind of BDSMK mentoring or training. Mentor will also share their experience within the BDSMK lifestyle, explain their background, expertise, and approach to mentoring, thus establishing credibility and trust.

This stage is designed to allow potential mentees to dissipate any questions they may have, including but not limited to, the mentorship process, the Mentor’s approach to it or how tribute works. We hope our mentees go into this process feeling comfortable and informed. We trust our Mentor approach any uncertainties, whether about the roles, the mentorship's scope, methods or any unclear information; Mentors will make sure to take the time to clarify any doubt.

Depending on the circumstances or needs this initial stage may also include vetting as a way to guarantee full transparency and establishing trust. This exchange usually sets the tone for the relationship, ensuring that both parties are aligned in their understanding and approach.

In case of any remaining concerns, those should be addressed before moving forward. This consultation is designed to build trust and to establish mutual understanding as the foundations for a respectful, safe, and enriching relationship. Once all topics have been discussed, we trust people feel informed and comfortable enough to decide if they want to move on to the next step.

Step 2: Tribute

A tribute will be requested for the Mentor’s time and expertise. Tribute reflects Mentee’s commitment to their own learning process and shows respect for Mentor’s effort in providing support and dedicating their resources to mentee’s growth; also ensures mentee values and respects the learning process.

Step 3: Privacy, Confidentiality, Limits & Commitment

Absolute discretion, respect and true commitment; are ALT’s most valuable traits. Mentor will present to the mentee a NDA which both parties should sign before officially beginnig the mentoring process. The Mentor must make sure the mentee understands all the information before signing.

Step 4: Tailoring the Process

This process starts with the mentee answering a questionnaire; this simple short questionnaire will help to shape the mentoring direction. After Mentor receives the answers, they will use such information to help the mentee to identify the specific skills or knowledge they want to develop, ensuring the mentorship is tailored to the mentee’s needs. This helps establish the foundation for the mentorship, ensuring both parties have clear expectations.

This process includes but its not limited to:

✓ Understanding the mentee’s experience level: Is the mentee a beginner, intermediate, or advanced in BDSM? What knowledge or skills are they seeking to develop?

✓ Goal Setting: Setting clear learning objectives is key for a mentorship to be effective. These could range from learning negotiation techniques, understanding power dynamics, or practicing specific BDSM skills [e.g., impact play, bondage, etc.].

✓ Discussing boundaries: Both parties establish hard and soft limits [activities or discussions that are off-limits or to be approached with caution]. Discussing emotional boundaries helps to ensure both parties feel comfortable with the level of emotional involvement. If the Mentor deems necessary they may ask whether the mentee has a support system in place, including people they can talk to outside of the mentorship, in case the journey brings up unexpected emotions or challenges.

✓ Establishing Schedules: Both will agree on a convenient schedule that allows the mentee to achieve their goals in a reasonable time. Mentor and mentee agree on how often they will meet [e.g., weekly, bi-weekly] and the format of the sessions [in-person, virtual, or a combination].

✓ Learning Style: The Mentor will inquire into how the mentee learns best [e.g., hands-on, theoretical, guided discussions]. This helps the mentor create a customized plan for the mentorship.

✓ Roles and Responsibilities: Both parties clarify their roles and establish their commitments. The Mentor is responsible for guiding and educating the mentee, while the mentee is expected to be open, honest, and committed to their own growth.

The process ends with the signing -by both parties- of an Agreement where the terms and goals of the specific mentoring process will be reflected. A way to ensure clarity and accountability by and for both parties.

Step 5: Trial Mentorship

As a general rule all ALT’s mentorships will start with a 2 months trial period. We believe this time offers, both the Mentor and the mentee, an opportunity to assess compatibility, set realistic expectations, and ensure that both parties are comfortable with the dynamic. BDSMK mentorships often involve deep personal exploration, growth, and trust-building. By having a trial period, both Mentor and mentee assess in a short period of time if mentorship is the best way for the mentee to progress and decide whether to continue, modify, or conclude, this ensures the dynamic is healthy, respectful, and productive, creating a foundation for a successful outcome.

Step 6: Mentorship Recap

Once the trial period has been completed, it is the Mentees choice to continue with a longer mentorship, continue to a more advanced process or simply stop completely. Whatever their choice may be, the Mentor will encourage them to reflect on the overall experience, discussing the skills learned, the personal growth achieved, dissipating any lingering concerns and giving advice on what believes should be the next step within the BDSMK exploration journey.

But you, the mentee, are the only one who can decide whether to continue on the mentoring path, transition to exploration, or pursue other avenues of learning and community engagement. Whatever your choice at ALT we will encourage you to continue your journey towards a more ethical, meaningful and transformative BDSMK.

Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy; The New Bottoming Book

"We like to think of kinky play as «gourmet sex». Some people eat only to meet their bodies' physical needs, others seek out food that satisfies specific cravings. Some people like fast food, and others like whatever their mother used to cook, and still others prefer their food spicy enough to make them sweat ... and all these ways of eating are valid, nutritious and tasty. Gourmets choose to put a lot of time, energy and attention into thinking about, seeking out, preparing and eating very elaborate food, often with arcane ingredients".

Whom Is This For?

Mentorships are more than a mere process through which people can learn specifics skill, they are the core of the most intimate and social aspect of BDSMK -apart from the dynamics themselves- makeing them ideal for:

✓ Newbies who want to understand BDSMK and learn skill safely and with proper guidance.

✓ Kinksters looking to expand their understanding on BDSMK topics or polish their skills.

✓ People not associated with the BDSMK community but seeking to deepen their knowledge about human sexuality and kink.

✓ People whose sexualities and/or relationships can be categorized as “dissident” or “divergent” and who are seeking to improve their skills and knowledge related to: communication, consent, negotiation and building relationships outside of the hetero-normative structure and monogamy compulsive.

ALT’s mentorship program is a growth-oriented process, where the limits, preferences and objectives of the mentees are always respected. It is not a substitute for professional psychological or medical services, and there are no sexual or intimate activities between Mentor and mentee. Participating in a mentorship is a meaningful way to explore the BDSMK lifestyle with the guidance of an experienced trustworthy friend. It is a space where education, personal growth and safety come together to help you deepen your understanding of this lifestyle in a respectful and consensual manner.

Whether you're a submissive learning protocols or a Dominant refining your leadership skill, or you are the unicorn in a triad, the mentorship path will provide you with the tools to navigate your journey with confidence, clarity and safety.