✔ Change your mind about what sex actually is. Transitioning from genital-centric sex to mindful sex involves a shift in focus from achieving orgasm to experiencing deep connection and sensory awareness. Engaging in non-sexual intimacy is usually the hardest step for men -yes, 99.99% of the people struggling with non-sexual intimacy are men, to the shock of no one- I don’t make the data, just drop it, so don’t hate me. No grabbing boobs, touching pussies or cocks or having any kind of “sexual touch” out of the game it’s wild for men. They can’t fathom how pleasure can be achievable without sexually explicit actions, less without them cumming.

✔ Start outside of sex. I know, how do I dare to suggest starting good fuck exercises without actually fucking, right? What can I say? I am that savage. Begin by practicing mindfulness in your nonsexual life. It takes purpose, effort and frequent practice to develop mindfulness skills. Food [cooking and eating], music [listening or dancing], non verbal games [massages, body exploration, body paint, etc] are powerful tools. All these things can help you learn to understand your own and your partner's pleasure outside of sex. Recognizing your partner’s non-verbal language related to pleasure and fun will give you mind reader superpowers. Once you are comfortable with this concept, you can incorporate mindfulness into your sex life.

✔ Learn how to use your senses to connect with your body and your surroundings. Being able to stay fully present in the moment, focusing on the here and now, and being aware of your and your partner’s sensations, emotions, and thoughts it’s a valuable skill when it come to know how to have the the fuck of the century. The easiest way of practicing this in an everyday setting and by yourself is; choose a room in which you feel comfortable, make sure no one or anything will interrupt your experience. Play music that promotes awareness. Use essential oils or scented candles with aromas that facilitate your relaxation process. Lie down or sit comfortably and close your eyes, listening to the music in a mindful manner, focusing on each instrument and the emotions that it evokes. Notice how different sounds affect your mood and energy. Take deep breaths and focus on the scent, noticing how it makes you feel. Involve your sense of touch. Maybe touching your body, petting an animal, or feeling different textures. Notice how different touches make you feel. Focus on the sensations in your body. Notice the feeling of your clothes against your skin, the temperature of the air, and the pressure of your body against the chair or floor. All these little things can help you to better understand your body, your senses and desires. Also improves your ability to recognize things that happen outside your own body, which it’s key if you plan to fuck with other human.

✔ Transition from your daily chores to intimacy. Operative life it’s a bitch. I’m sure we all have seen that [stupid] movie scene where two people can barely wait to enter in the house before ripping their clothes off, throw everything in the floor and have the fuck of their life, right? What we haven’t see it’s the aftermath of that. Who cleans the mess? How much is it going to cost buying those plates again? Are you going to be able to find the same model of that shirt that they just ripped? What about the smell of sweaty stressed body?  Sure, having a quick fuck from time to time just for the fun of it and to prove us we still got it can be fun, but that isn’t the fuck of a life time dear friend. That is the equivalent of trash food. The high cuisine experience requires a more mindful approach. Even though I think it’s absurd to pretend that we can stay 24/7 in the world of desires for what I expect are obvious reasons, I also believe we can have quick visits to there only if we acknowledge the fact that we NEED to learn how the fuck keep in balance this two worlds to make it work. How that looks for each person will depend on so many factors, so there's not a magic formula I can give for it.

✔ Release your expectations. The damage that Hollywood and porn have made when it comes to expectations around sex it’s WILD!. My first advice it’s always, touch some grass, eat a kit-kat, and drink a cup of coffee. Sex -when done properly- it’s messy, can be loud and it’s “obscene” in its nature. Doesn’t need to be serious, doesn’t require physical orgasm to be enjoyable, neither you need to “look good” while doing it. The real world rules also apply to the world of desires.

✔ Be kind to yourself. Let go of self-criticism, negative body image concerns and sexual shame. Easier to say than to do, I know. Here it’s when professional help comes very handy. Be kind with you and to your partner.

✔ Cultivate gratitude. Life, companionship, partnership, sex, all of it are gifts. Have a sense of gratitude for the special moment that you are sharing with your partner.