BDSMK Ethical Frameworks
Beyond a Conduct Code
SSC, SSICK, RACK, PRICK, CCC, CORE, CCCC, GGG, BARK, SEAF; and who knows how many others are out there. This community [BDSMK community] is fascinated by acronyms. But these ones are very important, they are BDSMK ethical framework [aka conduct code]. I disagree with that definition though [of course I do, is me after all]. I see them more like ethical principles that give us a frame in which to build healthier BDSMK relationships. Frameworks are there to ensure it's fun FOR EVERYONE!.
So, let’s get this straight, ethical BDSMK is not just about diving headfirst into your fantasies, it’s about doing it with style, respect, and a rock-solid game plan. Think of it as the "how-to-not-screw-this-up" guide for anyone exploring BDSM and kink. It's got all the essentials, like consent, boundaries, and aftercare, because nothing says “responsible fun” like making sure everyone is actually enjoying themselves and feeling good about it later [that part it´s VERY important].
When someone tells you they follow a certain framework they are opening a window to who they are and how they see and live BDSMK. These frameworks cover everything from setting the stage [hello, negotiations!] to making sure no one’s left with anything but good memories [bye-bye, emotional bruises]. It's your toolkit for making sure everyone’s on the same page, feeling respected, and -most importantly- coming back for more. . . If that's what you expeted me to tell you, I'm affraid you are ready for a massive disappointment. Yes, these frameworks preach certain ethical principles hoping folks stick with it; yet 99.99% of these freameworks do not give any step by step instructions on how to actually manage to do what they preach. This it’s not me trashing them at all. Yes, I do think most of them aim to keep people safe, but if people expect this frameworks to be detailed guides about BDSMK condict, that isn't going to happen. They give an almost philosophical frame, you need to figure out how the fuck will you make that happen.
I have this compulsive necessity of asking “why”. Why things come to be?, why things work like they do?, why?, why?!. So, naturally I asked myself -and others-: “why kink folks felt motivated to create an ethical framework to govern kink scene?”. I specially wonder about it because these frameworks are relatively new, the oldest one, SSC, it's barely 30 years since it is "widly" known and “used” by most kink folks.
After learning about the history of social movements -because these folks [the ones making BDSMK what it's today] didn't just think about fucking and spanking, they were fucking activists- like the leather movement, the dykes and other pioneer movements that gave birth to what we call today, BDSMK, I understood many things.
First, today's BDSMK doesn’t advocate for social anarchy like those of the old days did.
Second, although today BDSMK continues to be a niche sector of sexuality, prior to the 90s, especially during the 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s, the shit was indeed clandestine!
Third, let's thank everyone who started talking about the need for ethics within the scene even when they were met with reluctant responses. THEY ARE OUR HEROES!
These were wild and untamed times, being part of the community was not for the faint of heart. So, while learning about the history and stories it’s how I came up with what I think was the main motivations for the creation of these frames. I guess shit was so crazy in the old days that folks said: “Dude, we need some kind of rules, otherwise. . .” I don’t have proof of it but neither do I have doubts. Why do I think this? Well, the ethical psychological considerations came long after the physical ones, you see?
But I digress. The answers I found to my ¿why? are;
1. Regulating S&M activities so folks know “kink” NEEDS limits;
2. Ensuring public play places are digestible and legal;
3. Making sure there’s a distinction between BDSMK and crimes such as sexual assault and domestic violence.
4. PR strategy.
Getting back to the point, all protocols have proven to be “controversials”, for a reason or another. Some are considered to be “too vanilla”, others “too hardcore”, while others are considered too . . . wild? insane?. Whatever the approach or how “unique” these frameworks are, it seems there’s a protocol for everyone. Now, I will present what I consider are the most relevant facts about some “worth of attention” ethical frameworks.
Safe, Sane & Consensual [SSC]
Year 1.980, a S&M new yorker’s gay men community sat down to think about how to protect each other after several predatory incidents. Their plan; education, advocacy and discussion of ethics. Which is fucking rad. This group of dudes weren’t the first ones thinking that maybe it would be a good idea having some kind of conduct code, yet they were the first ones making their idea popular and achieving the status of “by default”.
“The words «Safe-Sane-Consensual» made their debut on the national stage [in USA] during the 1.987 Gay and Lesbian march on Washington, on a parade banner carried by members of the Gay Men's SM Activists (GMSMA). It had previously existed only in GMSMA's internal teaching materials”.
Source: Evil Monk [Safe Sane and Consensual by Chris M]
They made a great marketing campaign for SSC and people bought it, they still do. Here is the original 1.983 GMSMA newsletter wording as a historical resource:
"GMSMA is a not-for-profit organization of gay males in the New York City area who are seriously interested in safe, sane, and consensual S/M. Our purpose is to help create a more supportive S/M community for gay males, whether they desire a total lifestyle or an occasional adventure, whether they are just coming out into S/M or are long experienced. Our regular meetings and other activities attempt to build a sense of community by exploring common feelings and concerns. We aim to raise awareness about issues of safety and responsibility, to recover elements of our tradition, and to disseminate the best available medical and technical information about S/M practices. We seek to establish a recognized political presence in the wider gay community in order to combat the prevailing stereotypes and misconceptions about S/M while working with others for the common goals of gay liberation."
As a historical curiosity, it is worth noting that SSC was born in the middle of a controversial plagiarism accusation. Of course David Stein [aka the mind behind SSC] denied this. Who knows?. Did SSC successfully stop the predatory episodes? No. At least no entirely. But at least opened up the conversation more publicly and made people more aware of the need for some kind of code of conduct. And that it’s huge!.
Safe, sane and consensual became the bare minimum, the standard, the rule with which most people measure a dynamic’s safety and ethics. SSC it’s now the primary bit of wisdom taught to newcomers. But the thing is, SSC has no standard definition or explanation, leaving it open to subjective interpretation. What safe, sane or consensual means depend on each person. Even David changes and tweaks his explanations from time to time. There’s no clear guidelines, there’s no ethical frame.
“The understandable popularity of the slogan has a downside, however. Those with few or no roots in the struggle to bring S/M out of the shadows - who take for granted today's world of BDSM clubs in every large town and kinky images all over the mass media - tend to apply the slogan in a simplistic way, even using it as a stick to beat anyone whose style of play offends them for whatever reason. The implication is that whatever is safe, sane, and consensual is good, and whatever isn't is bad, which goes far beyond what we intended back in 1.987. In 1.987, we were trying to draw a line between what is clearly defensible, in terms of both social structures and personal well-being, and what is either indefensible or at least very questionable. It was a conscious, deliberate attempt to shift the debate onto grounds where we thought we could win, instead of having to keep proving we weren't serial killers, spouse beaters, and child abusers. Of course, the morality of such a strategy depends on who is left out [...] Of course, once an idea is reduced to a slogan that fits on buttons, T-shirts, and bumper stickers, no one can control its meaning. Each person who sees it interprets it with whatever prejudices and preconceptions he or she brings to it. While it's evident that thousands of people have taken ‘safe sane consensual’ as a welcome validation for a type of sexuality still considered ‘sick’ or ‘crazy’ by much of our society, others read it as devaluing their own ‘edgeplay’ in favor of cautious, conventional, and completely scripted sex games”.
Source: Leather Leadership [Safe Sane Consensual by slave david stein]
Safe, Sane, Informed, Consensual, Kink [SSICK]
Incorporates the SSC main ideas and throws two words more. It seems that some people want more letters, while others fewer and some just want their acronym to be cool and catchy. But I digress. No idea where or why this came to be a thing, especially because it argues almost the same as SSC. It stands for the prevention of abuse and violation of another's well being. SSICK make the case that safety and sanity are subjective concepts. A "reasonable person" acknowledges the participant's choices and decisions have consequences; those consequences can be foreseeable and unforeseeable, yet we are responsible for them.
“Being adequately informed is a subjective determination of one's self awareness, and another participant's awareness. Consent pertains to the continuous choice: to delegate authority for another to choose how to act in a particular manner; to accept a fiduciary duty in exercising delegated authority (placing another's interests above one's own interests); or, to otherwise interact within communicated boundaries and no more. A common misconception is that one can relinquish their personal power -- often called consensual non-consent, which merely equates to abuse. Every person always has the inherent and inalienable power to amend consent at any time, in relation to any BDSM interaction.”
Source: Wikipedia [Safe, Sane and Consensual]
Risk-Aware Consensual Kink [RACK]
Conceived as a 20-ish- years delayed critical response to SSC. In Gary Switch, the mind behind it, own words:
“Nothing's perfectly safe. Crossing the street isn't perfectly safe. Remember that it's technically called ‘safer sex,’ not ‘safe sex’ [...] handle it by identifying and minimizing the risk through study, training, technique, and practice. I believe that this approach will work better for us leatherfolks than claiming that what we do is safe. We want to foster the notion that we develop expertise, that to do what we do properly takes skill developed through a similar process of education, training, and practice. Negotiation cannot be valid without foreknowledge of the possible risks involved in the activity being negotiated. ‘Risk-aware’ means that both parties [...] have studied the proposed activities, are informed about the risks involved, and agree how they intend to handle them. Hence ‘risk-aware’ instead of ‘safe’ [...] being able to distinguish fantasy from reality, as well as dealing responsibly with risk factors. If you don't know the risk factors, if you don't know what will happen in reality, then you don't know what you're consenting to. Meaningful negotiation must always take place on the common ground of consensus reality”.
Source: The History & Arts of the Dominatrix by Anne O Nomis [The history of SSC vs RACK]
Don’t know about you but that right there was a very powerful shit. I mean, Gary is onto something here for sure. RACK was -and in certain groups still is- extremely controversial. After years of SSC’ campaign resulting in a “softer” outsider view of BDSMK practices, RACK came to call all that bs [very gangsta of them, I may say]. So, calling RACK disruptive wouldn’t be a misrepresentation. Some people argue now that RACK it’s only for edge players, to which I respond: "aren't we, kink folks, all edge players?”. BDSMK activities are inherently edgy.
Some folks argue that RACK defends “true BDSMK” from wannabes and weekend warriors. It seems to me that gatekeeping it’s kink folks’ favorite practice. However, most people decide to perceive RACK as free for interpretation, because even if it makes a greater effort at giving some guidelines when it comes to the “how can we make this work in the real world”, saying things like “study, inform yourself, negotiate” alone has proven to be not enough. RACK also fails at giving definitions or step by step guidelines.
Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink [PRICK]
PRICK is the [poke]evolution of RACK. . . To be fair, all these philosophies argue they are the evolution of their predecessor. The origins of PRICK are unclear, it seems it came with the early internet, in the era when everything was fuzzy. Just as RACK claimed to be a response to SSC; PRICK said to be the improved version of RACK. It argues that the emphasis needs to be placed on the fact that every person has a personal responsibility to take ownership of their actions. Meaning, everyone involved must be responsible for knowing the risks inherent to the activity they are consenting to.
“The essence of PRICK is that people should know what they’re getting themselves into and take full ownership of that”.
I will not invest much time discussing PRICK. No because I don’t want to, but because unlike other frameworks that have a clear ideological foundation, those born from thin air, like PRICK, do not have a clear framework that can be used to explore their principles nor do they have official writings or declarations that can be used to study them. They are nothing more than buzzwords that people have taken and interpreted according to their criteria, thus giving meaning that was never there to begin with.
Committed, Compassionate, Consensual [CCC]
Old Guard. Have you ever heard that term within the scene? This is a very -mystical- controversial group. So controversial that even the notion of who they are isn’t clear. Some people say it applies just to gay leather men who operate under strict military-style protocols. Others proclaim that the old guard it’s about following some specific approach to S&M activities. I guess this debate will continue for a while. Why am I talking about the old guard when I should be referring to CCC?. Well, some folks maintain that CCC it’s old guard’ rule of conduct. It's that actually the case? . . .let's drag us into the rabbit hole.
“I only recently realized that there was a strong likelihood that large numbers of [kink folks] don't quite know for sure what the phrase, '0ld Guard' really means. I'm sure that I have never seen a description of the style (and it is a style…) [...] is very important to remember that the modern leather scene as we now know it first formalized itself out of the group of men who were soldiers returning home after World War ll. (l939-1945) [...] these gay war veterans learned about the value and pleasure of discipline and hard work in the achievement of a noble purpose. They also learned how to play hard when they got the chance for leave time. Indeed, military life during wartime was (and is) a mix of emotional extremes born out of sure knowledge that one could literally be 'here today, and gone tomorrow. ' [...] Upon their return to the States about 1946, many of the gay vets wanted to retain the most satisfying elements of their military experience and, at the same time, hang out socially and sexually with other masculine gay men [...] And just as in the military, there were (unspoken) rules about what you did and did not wear, how you handled your personal affairs, who you could and could not socialize with and more. All this was overlaid with a kind of ritual formalism just as in the military. Those men who were really into dominance and submission, SM, or leather sex tended to take these rules rather more seriously than those guys who simply thought of themselves as butch [...] The creation of a butch subculture by the gay vets began to allow people to specialize their sexual interests in a way that had been impossible earlier. Prior to this development. it was not apparent that there were very many ways to be gay [...] This meant that those who had an inclination to kinky action pretty much felt compelled to explore kink in the context of the leather SM scene since it was the only game in town. If motorcycle riding or black leather itself was not 'your thing', that meant one felt obligated to visit the hang outs and look and act the part as much as possible to find one's way into the inner circle of those who looked like they knew something about the exotic sexualities [...] And so, the Scene became EX-clusive rather than IN-clusive, meaning that the people in the Scene understood the rules and tried to keep outsiders out-to exclude them. An outsider became defined as anyone (butch or not) who did not have a primary interest in and experience with the exotic sexualities or at least an interest in motorcycles. (This excluding attitude was probably also reinforced by guilt about being kinky.) [...] These men then were the original '0ld Guard', and so it will come as no surprise that their quasi-military rules of inclusion and exclusion still influence kinky society today [...] So what exactly were the (unspoken) "Old Guard' rules? Here are a few of the more important ones that had prevailed by 1970:
About Socializing and Cruising:
- Experience in the Scene determines social seniority (Top or bottom) , not age, not size, not amount of leather worn, and not offices held in organizations, awards received or titles won.
- Tops and experienced bottoms should be accorded higher respect and deference unless and until they behave rudely--all are expected to observe rules of social courtesy-bad manners are inexcusable and can lower one's status in the Scene (thereby reducing access to the Knowledgeable People for information or play),
- Real Leathermen keep their word: they do not borrow or lend money; they conduct their affairs with honor and integrity-they don't lie.
- Preliminary social contact should be on the formal side.
- 'Senior Persons' (Top or bottom) are not to be interrupted when in conversation.
- Experience being equal, Tops lead the conversation.
- When walking together, bottoms walk half-a-step behind and to the left of Tops with whom they are involved or playing.
- It is up to the Top or the experienced bottom to extend a hand to invite a handshake. (All touching is highly restricted during initial contact between strangers.) NEVER over-indulge in drugs or alcohol in public, or otherwise attract scornful attention to one's self--to do so brings dishonor on the men in the Scene,
- Tops should always have the first two opportunities to make verbal or physical contact,
- The more submissive one is, the less direct eye contact one makes-glance frequently at or stare at His boots only when cruising; less so in non-sexual conversation. The more dominant one is, the more direct the eye contact is unless there is no erotic interest (cruising only).
- Men in the Scene do not discuss (or write about) the Scene with outsiders. All men in the Scene must be able to spot outsiders with the 'right stuff' and be ready to facilitate them into the Scene after they indicate sincere interest.
- None of these rules are taught or explained to anyone except by innuendo, inference, or example.
- Maintain formal and non-committal relationships with those outside the scene; avoid contact with feminine men. Women are not allowed although Senior People may occasionally have intellectual or brief social relationships with the occasional qualified kinky woman, but only in private.”
Source: Evil Monk [The Old Guard History, Origins and Traditions by Guy Baldwin M.S.]
Yes, that was a long ass quote but was need it. Now, these lovely chaps saw S&M relationships as a 24/7 lifestyle. No breaks, no [cuddling] aftercare, no sissies, no women. I’m guessing the “new old guard” understood that they needed a rebranding, and CCC came along. CCC is a philosophy that most Master/slave dynamics follow. Probably Consensual Non-Consent [CNC] it’s a subcategory of CCC due to their absolute view regarding consent.
Caring, Communication, Consent and Caution [CCCC/4Cs]
Saying that this protocol excites me it’s an understatement. This is the only -that I know of- framework that have been conceived by professionals of psychology, sexology and sociology. Is also the only framework with a redacted whole-ass paper with historical/scientific quotes to give weight to their argument.
4Cs creative minds try to be clear in their point of view and still leave room for personal interpretation and ethical debate. In their introduction they stated:
“In light of this shift [BDSM commonly been assumed to be motivated by an underlying psychopathology to some scholars recognizing that not only is BDSM participation not associated with psychopathology, but that it may be associated with desirable psychological states that are often associated with healthy leisure experience] and in combination with the development of community-based research as a methodological strategy across the social sciences generally, an exciting recent development is the formal collaboration between scholars and communities of people with alternative sexual identities, including BDSM [...] We welcome this development, and it is in the spirit of mutual benefit that we write the present paper. In fact, we are both scholars and also members of the BDSM community. Hopefully, our discussion here will generate insights among both academics and nonacademics”.
As I mentioned previously, most ethical frameworks give us buzzwords, tell us what’s wrong or what’s okay, RACK it’s probably the only one saying straightforward that knowledge and practice it’s the path to a good dynamic; and even though all the frameworks include the word consent, non of them actually tell us what the actual fuck consent is beyond the boundaries of BDSMK. This is a concern I had for many years. Something that led me to look for answers within ethical dissertations [which I do not regret] before finding 4Cs. They tell us about it:
“The notion of consent has almost always been a core consideration at the heart of both popular and more academic discussions of BDSM. Whether utilized as a kind of defense of BDSM or whether simply being beat into the heads (or preferably other body parts) of newbie practitioners, consent has often been thought of as a key element that distinguishes BDSM from violence and other types of abuse. Yet, in spite of this central role of consent—a role that is clearly articulated within the acronyms of both SSC as well as RACK—we suggest that the notion of consent suffers from considerable ambiguity and deserves some much-needed clarity. Although others [in the academic world] have certainly pointed out some of these same ambiguities, we propose that as part of our new acronym of the 4Cs, the BDSM community would do well to strive for a more sophisticated and nuanced understanding of consent”.
“[...] one of the complications here is that while perhaps it might be helpful if people said exactly what they wanted—if they were direct, clear, and obvious all the time and in every way—this is just not the nature of reality. While frequent and direct communication is desired, there is always more that is left unsaid. This is especially the case with BDSM, where much of the eroticism and allure of BDSM hinges on blatantly playing with and often purposefully obscuring consent. Whether that’s the explicit specifications of consensual non-consent, or whether it’s the use of even the most minimal type of bondage, or whether it’s merely the top telling the bottom what to do—in all of these scenarios, BDSM is clearly blanketed in the trappings of non-consent. Experienced BDSM practitioners know this, and they know that navigating this tricky edge of consent is the balancing act that brings BDSM alive [...] what exactly is consent and how do I know if my consent has been violated? For example, is consent a verbal agreement? Is it a body posture? A knowing look? A written out contract? In response, then, to these kinds of ambiguities, we suggest that one of the ways to move beyond such questions is to take a step back from the mechanics of consent and instead consider a broader approach. In particular, we propose that BDSM practitioners—both new and experienced alike—might benefit from learning to conceptualize consent according to three distinct levels”.
“The first of these is what we might call surface consent. In many ways, surface consent mirrors the kind of consent that is exemplified in the phrases ‘no means no’ and ‘yes means yes’. When you are at a play party and someone asks you whether you would be interested in participating in some kind of scene, you might answer according to this kind of surface consent: ‘yes, I’m interested’ or ‘no, I’m not’”.
“A second level of consent and probably the level that is most often associated with BDSM might be called scene consent. Here consent entails the top and bottom discussing and negotiating what is going to occur in the scene, and especially how the bottom might communicate to the top that he or she is (in the middle of the scene) withdrawing consent, typically through the use of some kind of safeword or gesture”.
“[...] third and even more ambiguous level of consent, what we might call deep consent. Here we are talking about something beyond just a bottom’s ability to use a safeword or gesture. For instance, when a bottom is crying and sobbing and in obvious distress and perhaps full into some kind of subspace—but hasn’t yet called ‘red’—we might wonder to what extent the scene is affecting the thinking of the bottom and affecting the bottom’s mental capacity to yell out ‘red’ or to engage in cognitive consent at all? In addition, even if the bottom is still able to think, the bottom may not actually know whether he or she is consenting. In such cases, it seems like the question of consent is something that almost has to be considered after the fact. As the bottom plays back the scene in the hours and days and weeks that follow, he or she might come to some kind of conclusion: ‘I consented’ or ‘no I didn’t’ or perhaps ‘I guess I just don’t know’. In addition, it is important to be aware that aftercare and later conversations (especially between the top and bottom) may actually change the bottom’s interpretation of a scene and his or her consequent view of consent.”
“Thus, while acknowledging that more sophisticated philosophical analyses of consent could certainly be provided, we suggest that the basic takeaway here is for BDSM practitioners to recognize and be cognizant of the fact that consent is a messy business. This, of course, is not at all to downplay the significance or importance of consent, or to make light of the potential emotional and psychic costs of having one’s consent violated. Indeed, just as in every relationship people get hurt from time to time, we suspect that there are few BDSM practitioners among us who have not on occasion had our consent violated at least in part. That being said, some of us play on the safe side of consent, and some of us like to dangle over the cliff. Some of us go so far as to secretly long for our consent to be violated mid-scene in the hope that our retrospective analysis will lead us to conclude that at some deeper and more meaningful level, we really did consent. These—for better or worse—are the ambiguities of consent. Instead of denying these ambiguities, we recommend that BDSM practitioners embrace them, talk about them, negotiate with them, and continually and constantly reassess”.
Source: Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality
[From “SSC” and “RACK” to the “4Cs”: Introducing a new Framework for Negotiating BDSM Participation
by D J Williams, PhD; Jeremy N. Thomas, PhD; Emily E. Prior, MA; M. Candace Christensen, PhD]
Yes, I’m very aware that was other long ass quote but given that 4Cs it’s the only ethical framework that gives definitions [or try] thought that we at least can give it a proper reading.
Competence, Order & Structure, Roles, Edge of Acceptability [CORE]
This story time begings with a fetlife user who identifies as Master Aden but asks to be called "Sir", he is the mind behind this “concept”. He stated:
"kink with BDSM elements" or "pseudo-BDSM", IS NOT BDSM because:
1). Kink doesn't use traditional BDSM standards, definitions, and concepts, but watered down versions of them;
2). Kink focuses on ACTIVITIES, while genuine BDSM is focused on implementation of Immutable Authority Transfer (IAT), which creates the roles of Dominant and submissive; and
3). Kink uses VANILLA CONSENT, while BDSM CONSENT is based on IAT, which is irrevocable”.
What’s Immutable Authority Transfer you might ask. Well. . .
“consent within Core BDSM is immutable and irrevocable [...] is considered a violation and a breach of the BDSM agreement which established the scene or relationship. This breach most often results in a broken dynamic and an end to the relationship. This is similar to a marriage ending in divorce when vows are broken”.
Now, I think it’s a good idea for you to know how this chap thinks about very important issues. Here some pearls:
“[...]a submissive has given explicit consent and transferred AUTHORITY, POWER, and CONTROL to the Dominant and therefore can not stop the scene, whenever and for whatever reason they want [...] ”
“Now it's common for people in mainstream vanilla society to be ‘uncomfortable’ with AGRs with older males because they are ‘concerned’ for the young women involved, which is nothing more than a micro-aggression and thinly veiled age and gender discrimination that has little to no bearing on reality […] Currently, discriminations against people in AGPs within ‘Kink’ spaces is as extreme as in the vanilla world because the ‘vanilla, but kinky’ people blatantly support discriminatory behavior, including kink shaming people inside the very ‘counter-culture’ that was designed to be a safe refuge against vanilla bigotry […] Additionally, many studies show that young women often look for significantly older men (27). Women's view of men's desirability peaks at around the age 50, whereas women's attractiveness to men declines from the age of 18 (28) [....] To state it another way, whatever the AGE that is specified in Age of Consent laws is the AGE that the society that person lives in deems is the AGE where that person is competent and therefore has been granted AGENCY to GIVE VALID CONSENT”
Maybe knowing that CORE folks see themselves as the "heirs and guardians" of The Old School can help you to understand their "unique" point of views. Just in case you didn’t quite get Aden’s word, they argue that
“traditional BDSM has been changed by new Kinksters [therefor] “contemporary kink [is just] kink with BDSM elements or pseudo-BDSM or even more, [mere] vanilla, IS NOT BDSM because it does not follow traditional standards and values but has borrowed and reused terms from traditional BDSM”.
Sir, is of the opinion that true BDSM should be more than kink activities, there shouldn't exist a separation between play and real life, BDSM should be a way of life. Let that sink in. . . There's more.
“The power of being able to give VALID CONSENT is THEIR individual right granted when they reach the age of consent. [which in some USA states it’s 14 y.o and in some countries can go down to 11 y.o, but okay] Therefore, if an individual has reached the age of consent, then they can give VALID CONSENT for relationships and sexuality to anyone, regardless of the other adult’s age, because it's about the PERSON'S ability to give consent and has nothing to do with the other party [...] Therefore, age of consent is solely about the individual right to give to VALID CONSENT. The age of consent is the age that a person has agency to consent to sex and relationships with any adult, who has also reached the age of consent [...] So if a young woman has reached the age of consent, in a specific society, then she has been deemed to be capable and has agency to engage in sexuality and form romantic relationships with any adult male, regardless of age. Therefore, stating that a young woman who has reached the age of consent shouldn’t be in an AGR is stripping her of her agency and telling her that she is incapable of giving valid consent TO ANYONE.”
Source: FETLIFE [Core BDSM & Aden writings]
Even if I know there are remnants of the Old Guard and their traditions have been reinterpreted by a more “flexible” and inclusive group known as the New Guard and/or the Emerging Guard, in which one of the key differences in these newer groups is greater gender diversity, I’m not completely sure where CORE falls beyond their roles as “heirs and guardians”.
As I said at the beggining, I only wrote about the ethical negotiation frameworks that in my opinion deserve a long conversation, either because they raise new concepts, because of the influence they have gained, or because of the misunderstandings that exist around them. That does not mean they are the only ones. Even today acronyms continue to appear. In Doctor Williams' and his team's words:
“Of course, any BDSM negotiation framework, which can then be represented as a motto, should be brief and easy for new participants to remember”.
I guess that’s the reason we have Good, Giving, and Game [GGG]; which they say the long reading is “Good in bed, Giving equal time and energy, Game for anything (within reason)”. BARK [Boundaries, Agreement, Respect, Knowledge]; a holistic approach emphasizing respect for boundaries, and knowledge, whatever that means. SEAF [Safe, Ethical, and Fun]; balancing safety with the enjoyment and ethical practice of BDSM. And so on.
And yes, I’m very aware that some of my wording might give the impression that I’m bashing on some of them, but I’m not. my point was to prove that none of these frameworks are infallible magical spells, they need a human willing to do the right thing. They need us to do our part. In the end, I think that the mere existence of these frameworks made one thing very clear; as much fun as BDSMK can be, the activities in which we kink folks engage are inherently risky. We fuck with each other’s minds and bodies in ways that take us to the edge of our limits and our physical and mental comfort.
Thinking about safety as a kinkster is extremely important. Like everything else we do in kink, how you decide to incorporate these ethical frameworks in your kink relationships is up to you. Whether you choose to follow one specific frame or you are open to take the best of each one and use those as your ethical-negotiation protocol; or you decide to create a brand new striking acronym, ultimately, you need to choose what makes you and your partner feel safe and keep your well-being.
Stay safe, keep it sane, make it consensual and have fun with it!
See you on the next one 🜉