The Drop
The Aftermath of a Wild Party
The drop, that moment when the high fades and reality hits. . . HARD [like a canne]. Ah, the drop. No, I'm not talking about a dance move, a new album release, or a catchy DJ beat. In the BDSMK world, "the drop" is that inevitable moment when the post-session bliss gives way to a sudden slump, like your favorite latex outfit deflating after the night’s over. One minute, you are on top of the world, buzzing with adrenaline and endorphins; the next, you’re lying on the couch wrapped in a blanket burrito, wondering why you suddenly feel like you just ran an emotional marathon.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this rollercoaster. Let’s unpack why the drop happens, how to handle it like a pro, and what to do when your mind goes from "Wow, that was amazing!" to "Is it naptime yet?"
Most people have heard of submissive’s subspace. The most knowledgeable ones even know about sub-drop. But only the wise Masters know what the fuck it’s Top zone or Top drop, becasuse, yes, Tops also deal with a lot of shit. So, keep reading to become in a wise Master.
The most widespread explanation among the kink scene is that the drop is similar to the concept of "adrenaline crash" and can involve a sudden decline in mood, energy, and emotional stability. A big bad hangover after a wild all you can drink brain cocktail party, that's the widely accepted explanation. The thing is, humans are not that easy to figure out, straight answers can take us only to a certain point. Human behavior can't be explained in white and black, will always need shades, nuances, context, light to begin to understand it. Much more when it comes to human sexuality and emotions, and shit gets extra complicated if you add the kink layer to it. So, buckle up because this ride it's going to be bumpy.
What Causes The Drop?
Short answer; our human nature. Longer answer; the change in our brains and the bodies during sexual activity. Long ass accurate answer; our brain produces an impressive mix of powerful chemicals [oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, serotonin, prolactin, norepinephrine, endorphins,] that promotes, induces and intensify certain bodily sensations and mental states [pleasure, arousal, excitement, decreased pain perception, increased physical resistance, among other fun stuff]; that combined with emotional and psychological complex factors creates a highly enhanced state [subspace/Topzone]. But like all good parties, fun can’t last forever, the drop is the aftermath of that legendary party. The drop is like looking at the dirty glasses thrown on the floor, the clumps of food on the sofa, those underwear that you don't recognize with strange stains that you pray is wine and knowing you need to clean all that shit up while struggling with your hangover.
Top Drop
Topping isn’t an easy task. Especially for empaths or when the bottom is also a life partner. A sense of guilt for “hurting” them, regret for words said, amoung many other feelings can arise; even though the bottom asked for it and the dynamic is 100% consensual, meaning we consciously know that we don’t have anything to feel bad about, yet the negative feelings creep in due to musty remnants of negative narratives around kink and sex. Doing things that for so long we considered depraved can take a toll on our conscience, especially when we haven’t achieved our second sexual awakening.
Not every Top experiences the drop. Nor is it a reflection of the quality of the relationship/dynamics. Furthermore, just because it has happened once doesn’t mean it will always happen or will happen ever again. It is nothing more than a brief moment where the perfect storm forms and we need to be ready to surf those big waves.
bottom Drop
Let’s be real, being a Top is hard as fuck, it takes so much mental work. The planning, the anticipating, the creative, the caring, and on, and on, and on. And yes, it also requires lots of physical work. Do you have any idea of how hard it is to do a proper flogging?! It is really tiring, in case you wanted to know. Yet, the amount of physical stress provoked upon a submissive’s body is greater.
The subdrop, as it's better known, it’s akin to an emotional and physiological crash, occur after the intense highs of a scene/session. The physical exertion involved in a scene can leave the sub feeling drained and fatigued once the adrenaline wears off. Scenes often involve subs allowing themselves to be vulnerable, ask for deep emotional connections and intense psychological experiences, the end of this intensity can prove to be too much to process sometimes and can leave a sub feeling emotionally shaken.
I have heard that some people aim to “prevent” the drop. Which to me it’s kinda like saying “let’s prevent having feelings”. I think the drop it’s just a side effect of being human, and you know, I like being human even if sometimes it gets messy. I think the focus should be on how we deal with it when it happens but do not foster the unhealthy idea that feeling the drop is something negative or have the false expectation that you can free yourself from it.
Signs of The Drop
Emotional Symptoms
- Feelings of sadness, emptiness, or depression.
- Anxiety or panic attacks.
- Irritability or mood swings.
- Emotional vulnerability or sensitivity.
Physical Symptoms
- Fatigue or exhaustion.
- Muscle soreness or physical pain.
- Headaches or body aches.
Cognitive Symptoms
- Difficulty concentrating or focusing.
- Negative self-talk or self-doubt.
How To Manage The Drop
I think most things can be fixed by talking over a cup of coffee or sharing a big ice-cream, but perhaps no everyone have my simple taste. Here some easy ways to keep the human in a messy free zone.
Aftercare: crucial in managing the drop. This involves providing comfort, reassurance, and care immediately after the scene and in the following hours or days.
Self-Care Practices: your body and mind are your responsibility, take good care of them. A warm bath, relaxing while listening to music, practicing deep breathing exercises, or even eating ice-cream [yes, ice-cream makes everything better] can do wonders. Your body and mind need time to recover from the physical and emotional exertion of the scene.
Provide Reassurance and Validation: the mental struggle it’s real when it comes to kink activities. Giving words of validation, acceptance, reassurance and openly expressing gratitude to your partner can be the difference between a drop and a crash.
Be Present and Attentive: be there and be presente are two different things. Be mindful with your words and actions, listen actively to your partner and show compassion and empathy.
Open Communication: discuss any drop indication you may be feeling with your partner before the scene. Make a plan for aftercare and check-ins to ensure both parties are prepared.
Gradual Transition: avoid sudden transitions from the intensity of the scene to everyday life. Gradually return to normal activities, allowing time for decompression.
Professional Support: when the negative feelings linger more than a couple of weeks it may be a signal of something more deep. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor who is knowledgeable about BDSMK can be beneficial.
Now, even though I would like to keep this simple, in honor to knowledge and factual truth I will quote the Black and Blues: Sub Drop, Top Drop, Event Drop and Scene Drop scientific paper written by Richard A. Sprott & Anna Randall [2021]
“The kink (…) seems to have accepted the [brain chemical mix] explanation for the first kind of x-drop that happens at the end of a scene or near the end of a scene. The biochemical proposal, involving the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems and hormonal fluctuations, seems to be relevant especially for a sub or bottom who is receiving intense sensation and experience. However, we also point out that there is no research to test these ideas about the physiological profile of the immediate x-drop, and in fact one could argue that the exhaustion phase of a stress reaction is more complicated than the above physiological descriptions.
Those biological explanations are problematic, however, when it comes to the more delayed x-drop experience. Many sources (…) often do not make a distinction between what happens at the end of an intense scene and what happens a few days later, referring to both with the same term and using the same explanation. This more delayed onset of x-drop (…) with an emotional reaction or state that can involve guilt, anxiety, melancholy, or exhaustion. It describes an emotional reaction that usually appears several days, maybe even up to a week, later. These different onsets piqued our curiosity. What might be happening in individuals who experience these emotional changes in the days after? Perhaps there are other possible explanations about the later x-drop phenomena.”
The human mind it’s the most amazing, never boring, impossible to finish game.
Stay safe, keep it sane, make it consensual and have fun with it!
See you on the next one 🜉
